We’re used to not seeing each other for quite some time. Days. Weeks. Months. We’re used to just having a few calls to check on each other which usually only last for a couple of minutes. But we know we’re in each other thoughts. We never forget.
It’s been more than a month since you left. For good. And though I’m used to not seeing you, it hurts so bad now whenever I remember that I will never ever see you again.
The thought of you sneaks in at very random times. The sound of my mom’s voice when she told me about finding you lifeless would keep playing in my head and send a hundred arrows to my heart knowing that you left without anyone around.
I’m sorry I wasn’t there.
Every time, I’d try to focus on the comforting thoughts that you’re with Him already. In a place where there is no pain. Only peace and happiness. You may not have seen your grandson, but I know you’re watching over us.
We didn’t have a perfect relationship, but you know I love you. You’ve been a father to me without reservations. I’ll miss those times when you would ask to hug me because you miss me, although I always escape from your embrace. I was just awkward like that. I’ll miss your corny jokes and your proud stories. I’ll miss how you make my mommy happy.
Last night I saw you in my dreams. It’s as if you’re reminding me that you’ll always be the father who takes care of me. In some form or another. That you’ll never stop caring about me and my mom and my child. Wherever you are. Thank you, Tatay.
I love you, Tatay. Happy father’s day in heaven.