Major changes coming up! And I’m keeping the old posts because I’m clingy like that. See yah soon!
We’re used to not seeing each other for quite some time. Days. Weeks. Months. We’re used to just having a few calls to check on each other which usually only last for a couple of minutes. But we know we’re in each other thoughts. We never forget.
It’s been more than a month since you left. For good. And though I’m used to not seeing you, it hurts so bad now whenever I remember that I will never ever see you again.
The thought of you sneaks in at very random times. The sound of my mom’s voice when she told me about finding you lifeless would keep playing in my head and send a hundred arrows to my heart knowing that you left without anyone around.
I’m sorry I wasn’t there.
Every time, I’d try to focus on the comforting thoughts that you’re with Him already. In a place where there is no pain. Only peace and happiness. You may not have seen your grandson, but I know you’re watching over us.
We didn’t have a perfect relationship, but you know I love you. You’ve been a father to me without reservations. I’ll miss those times when you would ask to hug me because you miss me, although I always escape from your embrace. I was just awkward like that. I’ll miss your corny jokes and your proud stories. I’ll miss how you make my mommy happy.
Last night I saw you in my dreams. It’s as if you’re reminding me that you’ll always be the father who takes care of me. In some form or another. That you’ll never stop caring about me and my mom and my child. Wherever you are. Thank you, Tatay.
I love you, Tatay. Happy father’s day in heaven.
The lights were dimmed and the music started playing. One worship song after another. There aren’t many people, but once they started praying, it felt like I was in the middle of a huge crowd. Everybody closed their eyes. Some sang along with the band. Some laughed. Some cried. Some hummed and whispered their prayers.
I listened to every word of the song, perfectly matched with the lovely voice of the lead vocal. I tried to understand the meaning and the message. I listened to the people around me. To their laughs. To their cries. To their singing. And I prayed. And soaked in the presence of God. It was like that for about an hour. But it didn’t feel that long.
It was a bit of a culture shock (the loud laughs and cries), it being my first time to attend soaking (aka prayer night). (Although there were times in college when I was able to attend some Christian fellowship, prayed with them, joined a cell group, heard people speak in tongues.) But it was a great experience. I was with my husband, a college sister, and a college brother. I hope to be back again. (Just don’t mention the Friday traffic we had to endure to get to the place. :) )
Thank you, Krish, for inviting us, and Destiny Makati for being so accommodating.
I still feel some sadness but I guess I’ve got used to people leaving before me. I no longer cry a bucket when someone hands me the “I’m moving on” letter. One point for maturity, hah! Well, I can’t do anything but accept the reality that some people just need to carry on with their life and career. And for that I am happy for them too and I wish them well.
As we enter February, three of the people I most value and appreciate at work have already emptied their tables and surrendered their prox cards. I will no longer see them in the office. How’s that for welcoming the month of love? Chos.
Emo aside, I have so much to thank these people for. I thank Faye and Nads, for spending the past two years plus in my team. They’ve grown to be better versions of their selves professionally, I must say. The things they went through during those period weren’t a joke, but what I’m most proud of is that they didn’t give up when everything’s low. They passed the challenges and exit gracefully.
These girls were also very supportive personally. I will never forget how much they helped me went through a very challenging time of my personal life. Their reliability at work was a big thing for me. And their care and friendship outside work were much valued.
I thank Sir Mark for the valuable lessons and guidance he provided me ever since I started training for leadership and management role. He’s one of the persons I like consulting with, even for just a little thing that bugs me, because every conversation provides me clearer vision and better understanding of the situation. I feel like I know exactly what to do. I won’t forget how he was so patient with my crying spell. Haha.
I learned from him, Ma’am Mel, and Kuya Adrian, how to complain well and how to do the right thing even if it’s not going to be a popular move. Communication is basic among us editorial people and it should be practiced. I’ve also done a lot of mistakes and wrong moves especially when I was starting, but I never get yelled at by my bosses. They can show me or make me realize what my mistakes are in a way that’s more focused on how we will address that and what’s the best thing to do moving forward. Having heard other “horror” boss stories, I feel so fortunate to be learning under their wings for the past years.
Well, it’s never good bye with these people. Just see you around.
Money comes easily and frequently. (Repeat 100x)
She: I love you so much. That’s all I can say because I don’t really know how to explain what I’m really feeling right now. I am very happy! You know that feeling that your chest is going to explode because of so much happiness it can’ contain? I often find myself smiling on my own. Because I didn’t expect this. I didn’t know that the person who was always in my diary, would be here in front of me now.
He: I told you, I’ve been loving you for so long. Even though we haven’t seen each other for some time, I always think of you. I watch your videos and look at your pictures. And I thought, there’s probably no hope that we’re going to be together. What’s with all that you are right now. But here we are now. I guess it’s just that God’s timing is always perfect.
These days I enjoy just lying down, holding my tummy, and feeling those soft nudges from the little one. It is such as wonderful feeling!